Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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