Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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