Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
