Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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