That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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