I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Ketchup is God's man juice
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
