I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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