I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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