apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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