Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
