and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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