I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
