I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
