ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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