remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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