i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
