I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
