I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
