i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
