I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
