This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
