he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
