i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
