i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
