trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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