dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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