it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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