if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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