she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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