It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
