i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
