Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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