She's JV to your varsity
i was born a porn star she said
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
