i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
