Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
