Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
