He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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