At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
