I love black thongs
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
