have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
