So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
