I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
