You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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