I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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