well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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