it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
