The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
