and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
