I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
