The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
