omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She said her name was "party"
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
