dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
