dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
